A Fall & A Swim

We woke up at 7:15 and made our way to the pick up point: Africana Hotel. We got picked up by the "Adrift" bus, a white water rafting company, and departed Kampala for Jinja - the source of the Nile. Yassin was our organizer.

Yassin: So once we get off the bus, you'll get suited up and from there form into groups of 8-9. Remember, you have two options: Mild or Wild... Don't be a sissy.

I glanced at Silvia grinning, we clearly had no intention of being "sissies." As Yassin hyped up the excitement and ferocity of the River - including how at one point you can potentially drop off a 10-foot waterfall, on a Class 5 river rapid - Silvia and I turned to each other. "No need to worry" I told her "we have nothing to fear but fear itself!"

I immediately regretted that.

Pulling into the Adrift camp site, I eyed the devilish structure coming into view: with wooden stairs leading up it, the crane like structure extended out over the cliff face toward the opposite bank. The Nile, at least 100 yards below, passed sleepily under the platform.

Silvia: Oh look, Bungee Jumping! That'd be so much fun, wanna see if we can do it?
Me: ... I don't know if we'll have time.
Silvia: Yeah, you're probably right. Shame though.

We got off the bus and wandered down to get briefed. We we're early. Silvia asked if we'd have time to jump. The [] represent my thoughts:

Coordinator: Shouldn't be a problem, let me see if you can cut to the front. [... wonderful]
(He radioed the man on the bridge.)
Coordinator: Yeah, be quick though.
Silvia: Bryan let's go! ["Please God No!"?]
Me: Um... I dunno if I have enough money [I did]
Silvia: That's okay, I'll pay for you! [Damn you Silvia!]

In the end, I could find no rational reason why I shouldn't jump. But even though my mind was still racing for a reason why to protest, there was one thought that rose above all the others: if I didn't do this, I would regret it for the rest of the day - which I had already payed $125 for.

Me: Let me get my money.

*****************************************************************************

A few minutes later the time had come to destroy the hypocrite. Sitting in a chair, I got my legs bound and secured and then I stood up. I hopped forward, staring directly at Silvia as the bridge extended behind her, and then turned left facing the jump point.

Jump Supervisor: Now, I want you to baby step to the edge and stop when your toes are over the edge. Then place your hands above you and hold onto the roof. When I say let now, drop your hands to your side. From there I'm going to count down from three. When I say jump, I want you to jump as far as you can toward that yellow arrow we've painted for you on top of the restaurant & bar.

Jump Supervisor: "Now"

It was a beautiful panorama. A perfectly sunny day with the Nile flowing causally beneath me and green extending to either side of her. I dropped my hands to my sides.

Jump Supervisor: 3

I tore my gaze away from the scene and looked at the stupid yellow arrow. What a dumb color I thought. I lowered my gaze to the crowd of people gathering to watch everyone who jumps... or chickens out. At least 40 pairs, I calculated. My mind was trying to tell me something when I was rudely interrupted.

Jump Supervisor: 2

My Mind: Bryan, you do realize that this will be the most illogical thing I've ever done for you?
Me: You already know I'm fully aware of that.

Jump Supervisor: 1

I looked down.
It was necessary.
I grasped how far I was allowing gravity to take me.
Everything was peaceful.
Calm.
Silent.
Then not so silent...

Jump Supervisor: Jump!

My mind played for me a recent memory: "no need to worry" I told her "we have nothing to fear but fear itself."

My legs bent, and I pushed off to dangle with fate.

Expectations

On the coast of Sinai, I came to realize something about expectations.

The roots of my revelation began while I was sitting at the Bedouin lounge of the Penguin Resort in Dahab, sharing one last sheesha with two of my friends - Nickoli & Adam - before they left for Luxor later that night. While smoking mango tobacco in front of a relaxing view, we invited over and befriended two Americans and one Australian nearby. The three hour talk that ensured was one of the best talks I've had in my life; full of contemplation, philosophical reflection, and laughter it covered a broad range of subjects from the cosmos and physics to quality snorkeling spots not far away. One of which was Blue Hole, a nearby snorkeling spot we had visited only a day before. Nickoli had actually been there twice, biking the first time and catching a ride with us the next. Her exact words about the bike ride were, "it's not too bad." Eric, Nate and Silvia all agreed they'd save some money and give it a shot tomorrow. Eventually Adam and Nickoli said their farewells and left to catch their bus. A couple of hours later I said goodnight as well. Eric asked me some final logistics about their day trip tomorrow. He asked me how long of a ride it was...

Here I fudged up (an "uh-oh" if you will) for my experience of getting there was not by bike - but by car. I told him 25 minutes...

So my friends rented some bikes, and set off for their destination with certain expectations I had helped foster. Only, what they experienced in reality was drastically different from the what they imagined it to be. The bike ride did not take them 25 minutes, it took them 90. The bike ride, on top of that, was undertaken in the worst Egyptian conditions possible: during the hottest part of the day, with one bottle of water, and covering vast rocky and hilly terrain. Eric was also in flip-flops. Needless to say, it was a bike ride from Hell. In Silvia's version of the story, for example, she told me how Eric at one point hissed, "I'm going to kill him. I'm going to fucking kill him." Thankfully, he never did.

Our imaginations are incredibly powerful, maybe more so than we are fully aware. The visions we conjure up in anticipation of an event - especially one we look forward too - of how we desire the situation to unfold can be so vivid (and are often replayed in our minds to the point where they crystallize) that it's no surprise we are almost never satisfied when these fantasies fail to live up to the high standards we expect of reality. Too often have I experienced something which I had expected to be better. My solution is this: limit expectations, and embrace the now.

If we expect less, or lower those standards, we will be pleasantly surprised more. And only when we embrace the fact that only the present exists can we stop ourselves from living in the illusions of our minds and no longer force ourselves to suffer in these situations we originally expected more from.

Now let it be clear, while it may seem so I'm not trying to justify my mistake in misleading my friends into the barren land of the Devil. That was definitely my "b." That said, maybe the next time we find ourselves in those situations where we are disappointed, we can suffer a bit less and even salvage a bit of pleasure in the simple act of acknowledging "the suck" for what it is:

Reality.

Facebook: Extending it's Social Networking Boundaries to the Past

I had an interesting encounter with Facebook the other day. As I left a wall post on a friend's page I saw her quiz results for a random Facebook quiz called, "What Greek Philosopher are you?" She's Socrates, lucky bastard. Who am I, I thought? Could I too be the legendary Socrates?Or am I Plato? Or maybe Aristotle? Naturally, I hoped for one of Ancient Greek philosophy's legendary three musketeers. A sucker for the subject, I gave it a shot. While I found the question & answer survey horribly disappointing (ex: You are LEAST likely to spend time: [A] with anything unproductive [B] with art [C] with work [D] with getting too focused on one thing [E] with video games [F] with religion) the results genuinely surprised me.

I am Epicurus.

Epicurus was a hedonist. He believed in living life in a manner that made you most happy. Pursuing the pleasurable would ultimately push you toward the ultimate goal of aponia, or absence of fear and pain. This absence of pain was most important because when we cease to suffer we are no longer in need of pleasure. He believed in living a life in this middle state of satiation and tranquility that was free of the fear of death.

Agreeing with my Facebook match, I believe that when we die we do not feel the pain of death because we no longer exist and therefore feel nothing: when we exist death is not, and when death exists we are not. All sensation and consciousness ends with death and therefore in death there is neither pleasure nor pain. He also believed that death brought the end to our body and soul (strangely this was the thesis of my last post exactly) but that this should not be the cause of fear, but invigoration. Our days are numbered: use each day to pursue your pleasures but don't fear the repercussions of whatever these actions may be because the gods simply do not and will not reward or punish you for your actions in death. It's important to note, he also warned how overindulgence can bring pain.

Now, you may be asking what about those who may desire a darker pleasure? Adolf Hitler, Siaka Stevens, or Osama Bin Laden for example?

Epicurus statement of the Ethic of Reciprocity as the foundation of ethics is the earliest in Ancient Greece and differed in the traditional sense by Epicurus emphasizing that if we harm ourselves and others less we can further maximize our happiness. It's the golden rule: treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. His school was also the first of the ancient Greek philosophical schools to admit women as a rule rather than an exception. Epic work Epicurus! These perspectives also later inspired thinkers of the French Revolution, including John Locke, who eventually inspired my founding fathers.

Epicurus also insisted that we should believe nothing except that which can be tested through direct observation and logical deduction. I believe seeing is believing and our ability to reason is one of mankind's most essential tools for reaching understanding: that said, some things are still a mystery.

He believed in a self-sufficient way of life surrounded by friends. In addition, he believed that the universe was infinite and eternal and that every event that occurs is ultimately based on the motions and interactions of atoms moving in empty space but which can occasionally exhibit a clinamen, or swerve (Wikipedia does wonders). It's a fancy description that he believed in atomism, but also free will.

What intrigues me most about the Epicurus living inside of me, however, is not any specific views he has been credited with, but rather the philosopher's lack of credit: of Epicurus's 300 written works, only a few fragments and letters remain. To me, this simple fact about Epicurus brews in me a stronger link to the man than any of the views he supposedly held in life. For in this mystery I relate to an uncertainty of never being able to validate my own thoughts with permanent conviction. In the end, I accept I know nothing.

Facebook got it wrong, I'm totally a Socrates.